Green Juice is “Awesome”!

Green juice is amazing1. It’s become a trend over the past year2, and with good reason3. The sheer variety of vegetables4 you can sneak in there is staggering5. There’s a whole load of different recipes out there6, and ferocious7 debate about what the best method is to get the good stuff in you – shop bought8? Blender9? Cold-press juicer10?

Once that decision is made, you’re well on the way to enjoying11 all of the benefits that come from downing12 glasses of the good stuff. These include anti-ageing effects13, increased energy14, and clearer skin15. It’s a fantastic way to start your day right16!

And not only does it do all of that, it helps you live longer17!

1 It is amazing how one container can hold so much digustingness.
2 Because people need something on Instagram that balances out all of the cakes and coffee.
3 Everyone is a show-off.
4 As long as they are green and only green.
5 Staggering in how ineffective it actually is to try and hide any vegetables behind, like, a squeeze of lime and a prayer.
6 Each one grosser than the last.
7 Or as ferocious as people can possible get when they’re running on watered-down snot.
8 If you’re made of money.
9 If you’re made of money.
10 If you’re made of money.
11 This is physically impossible, so don’t feel too bad.
12 If you can down this, you must have a non-existent gag reflex and, not to cast aspersions, be very popular.
13 The facial exercise you get from pulling involuntary disgusted faces is invaluable in toning the muscles.
14 It’s amazing how fast you can suddenly run when someone offers you a grassy beverage.
15 You’re basically drinking a face mask, after all, and it tastes like every bit of it.
16 SO is this:

A pile of delicious bacon.
A pile of delicious bacon.

17 I, for one, choose early death.

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