Things that happened to me this year that you don’t care about because why would you?

Let’s be honest, it’s Christmas and if it’s not Quality Street or two-day-old turkey that’s never been in the fridge who really cares? But it’s also the end of a year in which some things have happened that deserve a mention. Or they probably don’t but my brain is a Ferrero Rocher now.

I worked part time

It wasn’t by choice and it was only for a month but hot damn it was fun. You can just stay in bed until 10am and it’s a Thursday and that’s just absolutely fine with everybody because nobody knows. And sure, you feel a little bit like you might slowly be regressing back to your deepest, darkest student days, but it’s also really fun and you kind of want to see how far you can push it. I imagine. Obviously I’m better than that.

I moved to Cornwall

I mean, if you’re one of the (at time of writing) fifteen people following this blog and you don’t already know that, then I can’t help you. But Cornwall is great. I live with Poldark now and I spend all my time in caves doing smuggling and drinking cider.

I became a master paddleboarder

I started my paddleboarding career (strong word but I stand by it) with a spectacular fall into an actual baptism on Easter Sunday. Then I practiced and practiced and practiced until, by the end of the season I became somebody the club was “not worried about”. Which I, a professional, happen to know is basically the same as a gold medal.

I became the owner of a pair of waterproof trousers

They are like an anorak for your legs and if that isn’t just the best thing ever I don’t know what is.

I managed to buy a cocktail and a double G&T for under £10

As in, I bought those two things in one round and the combined price of both was under £10. You heard me, London.

I fixed my washing machine

For a start, I now own a washing machine, which is the height of adulthood. But then one day that washing machine wouldn’t close any more. I briefly thought “Oh man, I can’t believe I have to get a new washing machine already”, before I figured that maybe people don’t replace them that easily. So I got my tools out, took the door apart, found the problem, fixed the problem, forgot how to put the door back together again, watched a youtube video about a different kind of washing machine, made my best guess, and here we are. I’m probably magic.

I sat on a man’s head

It was in the context of a surfing lesson but I still don’t feel like it was OK.

We done with this now? Cool. It’s nearly lunchtime. Where’s my wine?

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