The seagulls next door

My only slight issue is that Disney movies led me to believe that when I finally made some birdy friends they’d be the pretty, delicate kind who might occasionally run a duster around and would definitely help me get dressed. And, admittedly, they’d be set up for failure from the get-go because it would take a full flock to haul me into my bra of a morning, but it would still be nice to try.… Read More The seagulls next door

Back on the board

All this cold weather has turned the prospect of being in the sea into my own personal nightmare. In the summer I used to go for a post-work dip on a regular basis, in naught but a swimming costume, and would feel suitably smug about it every time. Now I watch the surfers in the stormy waters, neoprene-d to the hilt and slowly turning blue. They say it’s fine because the water is warmer than the air. I think that just means we need to reassess he definition of ‘fine’.… Read More Back on the board

BIG NEWS: Nobody has asked me to work on Blue Planet III

But the other day, when I was cycling home from work I noticed a weirdly huge flock of seagulls pegging it out into Falmouth bay and I watched them as they went, because I am a negligent cyclist who does not look where she’s going when there are more interesting things going on. I saw a big group of swimmers moving quite close to the cliffs. I thought it was a bit weird because nobody really swims in mid-February, and those that do tend to stay near the shore. They also tend to be exceptionally hardy older ladies who go in wearing nothing but a normal swimming costume, and these swimmers seemed to be wearing wetsuits. They were doing a lot of splashing and moving incredibly fast.… Read More BIG NEWS: Nobody has asked me to work on Blue Planet III

That time I sat on a man’s head while surfing

The only snag was when we got to that whole ‘standing up’ thing they seem to insist that all surfers be able to do. I just couldn’t do it. I could push my torso up. I could even get up onto one knee. But at the last, crucial ‘Blue Crush’ moment, I always ended up with a mouthful of Newquay seawater. All around me, my fellow students – who I’d (smugly) sailed past so many times as I caught wave after wave while they struggled – flew past me. Sure, none of them looked like they were quite ready to star in their own early-noughties sports movies either, but at least they were out of the water.… Read More That time I sat on a man’s head while surfing

What I did on my holidays (AKA sick leave)

I watched a lot of Netflix, do not get me wrong. Sometimes I even betrayed them and used my sister’s Amazon Prime account (shoutout to Mrs. Maisel). But I have a Netflix list that’s hundreds of hours long, and it turns out I have absolutely no concept of how much TV a human being can watch in two weeks when they also have to sleep, occasionally be in pain, or do literally anything else. Which is a really long-winded way of saying I made it through two and a half seasons of Gilmore Girls and a couple of episodes of Friends, although one of those episodes was Ross & Rachel’s breakup so that counts for at least five. I really thought I’d manage more, though. I guess, like Icarus, I dreamed too big.… Read More What I did on my holidays (AKA sick leave)

How to spend the Merryneum

Except it turns out the Merryneum also contains quite a lot of TV to catch up on and people to see, and things just don’t happen like you promised yourself they would when you get up at 11am everyday and have a nap at midday. So this year I’ve leaned into it. It’s physically impossible to achieve anything much in a house with a still-open Quality Street tin, so why put too much pressure on yourself?… Read More How to spend the Merryneum

Let’s all pretend we care about each other’s resolutions for a minute

I’ve caught myself looking back on 2017 a few times recently and thinking I don’t feel like I’ve achieved much. It’s normally when I’m on my way to work, because small midlife crises are exactly what Monday mornings are for. And then I realise that I’ve left my Cornwall flat to walk to my Cornwall office where I do the new job I didn’t have this time last year and then I realise that a couple of things might have changed after all.… Read More Let’s all pretend we care about each other’s resolutions for a minute