They call over a nurse who tells them that, yes, they should be removing their underwear. After much outcry she scares up a few pairs of what look like cycling shorts made out of the same material as our surgical stockings. That way the doctor can cut them off if wearing underwear for an operation turns out to be wildly unhygienic. I think we all know which way it’s going to go.
“Do you want some?” She asks, waving a pair in my direction. I politely decline. I’ve already been without undies for a couple of hours and I’m feeling so liberated at this point that there’s a good chance I may never go back.
“She’s young.” One of the old ladies says, because apparently she feels the need to dismiss my being the only person who is actually doing as she’s told as youthful confidence.… Read More Meeting the vicar without my knickers
After I peed in some things (occasionally by medical request) and had some needles stuck in me (occasionally by medical request) I had to go for many and varied scans, which often involved drinking gallons of water before somebody pressed hard on my stomach with no regard to their being directly in the splash zone if my pelvic floor turned out to be less-than-stellar.… Read More Gallbladder, I hardly knew ye
Being new in town, though, and in need of Cornwall friends, I’ve definitely taken on more than I can keep up. Promise me, however vaguely, that it might be ‘a good way to meet people’ and I have always been there. It’s just that it’s a lot. I do tap dance on Mondays, yoga on Tuesdays, roller derby also on Tuesdays, choir on Wednesdays, paddleboarding any time of the week… I basically do more extra-curricular activities than some middle class five-year-olds whose parents already set their sights on them going to Cambridge.… Read More The joy of saying ‘no’
A terrible thing happened to me on the bus yesterday afternoon. While on my way home from work I bumped into one of my best friends from school. Now, I am an avid follower of what people from school are doing, I really am, but I have no desire to find out from them in person.… Read More Bus-ted.
The tube strike. It’s 10am and I’m already kind of sick of hearing about it. Although I wrote this last night and I scheduled it, so ‘I’ of the past (present) am guessing that ‘I’ of the (present) future will be sick of hearing about it. Holy tenses, Batman! Anyway, what I was trying to… Read More It’s All Tube Much: Notes on the other passengers
This is part two in a three-part series that just goes to show exactly how self-obsessed people who write blogs can be. Part one can be found here. When I finally gave up on taking the right picture I decided to just use one I’d taken to show people my new hair, and planned to… Read More The Selfie Saga, Part Two: The Selfening
I work in Celeb-land. I also exaggerate sometimes, because, actually, I work in a normal (albeit nice) office which just happens to be close to a super-renowned, super-expensive hotel, which is where a lot of famous people stay. The paparazzi hang around a lot, and occasionally they get really excited. I went out to get… Read More Of Swift And Sandwiches
I’m a creative person. I know that, because I carry a notebook (Moleskine, of course) full of sporadic scribbles almost everywhere I go. Sometimes, I even open it. If I’m really pushing the boat out, I occasionally actually write something down. I went to an artsy university to do a thoroughly useless artsy degree, and most… Read More Nespresso Yourself